Take a look at the pic above. 

The big white space in the pic  is your relationship or if you’re single you can view it as your life.

The tiny black dot is what you SEE as your relationship or life problems/challenges/issues. 

Now wait, hear me out. I KNOW you don’t think your problems are tiny. In fact, I agree they’re substantial and can affect your mental health. They keep you up at night. They keep you fighting. They keep you in a disconnected cycle. Maybe even had you considering divorce or giving up in life. 

Most of the time we’re struggling in our life or relationships because we’re living inside that black dot. Which leaves you feeling like this is all there is to your marriage, relationship or life. 

In other words, you’re stuck in the problem and ignoring the solutions—completely ignoring the white space (SOLUTIONS) because all you can see is the black dot.

What you see is what you will get means just that, what you FOCUS on is what you will SEE! 

You can choose to see the challenges as something you can’t move past or you can see them as opportunities to seek a solution. 

No matter what the problems are—and no matter how unique your relationship problems may feel to you—I can practically guarantee that you’re stuck in the black dot and not even aware of all the solutions that exist around you.

The Trick to Getting Out of a Black Dot Mindset

The first thing you must do to stop the downward spiral thinking is to be open to another way, shift your perspective to the possibility there is a solution available. 

In order to shift your perspective you have to activate your growth mindset which allows you to: 

  • embrace conflict in your relationship easier 
  • keep pushing in the face of setbacks or disagreements 
  • stay curious as to how we’re going to get through this versus blaming and attacking each other 
  • hear your spouse during tough conversations

Strategy to Step into the White Space

When you step into the white space connection blooms again and love flows easier. 

When working with couples, I ask them what would it take for them to get back to feeling hopeful in their relationship. Most of the time they are feeling hopeless and really don’t even know where to begin. After pushing them to think a little more, they often come to the conclusion that they want to feel like they did when they first fell in love.

Think back, that infatuation stage is where the connection began. Here is a strategy to get that honeymoon phase feeling back.

  • Re-imagining what your relationship could be
  • What behaviors, actions did you take in the past that helped you fall in love 
  • What type of attitude do you need to have in order to get back to this stage
  • Do things to keep your connection alive
  • What skills, healing journey, or limiting beliefs do you need to overcome, gain or work through (if you want your relationship to WORK you have to step outside your comfort zone and WORK!)

When you’re in the black dot you’re stuck in the problem, it’s time for you to seek solutions to live in the white space to enjoy your life and relationship! 

If you’re ready to step into the realm of solutions and feel excited about your relationship again, book a FREE consultation call! 

Maximize the Relationship Connection Community is a group started by Love Minus Limits that is dedicated to providing COUPLES and SINGLES who desire to be in a relationship with resources, enrichment, encouragement & support, relevant content, Q&As, discussion & feedback, workshops, events, and videos all geared towards supporting couples to thrive.

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