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marriage,  relationships

What Women Need Pt. I- Love/Affection

Love Minus Limits conducted a survey a few months back of both men and women, married,  in relationships, and single.  Although each woman has unique needs, there are some that MOST women have in common.

The survey revealed that the top 4 things women need are:

Love/Affection | Intimacy |  Communication|  Trust/Honesty

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We’ve helped the ladies understand What Men Need in the last 3 blog articles. Now it’s time to help the men understand What Women Need.  Fellas, pull up a chair!

Are they the Same?

white love free standing letters
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According to Dr. Randy Carlson, in his book Starved for Affection, love is the main component that binds a marriage together. Affection allows a couple to perceive that love.  Affection takes love a step further in relationships. Love is a biblical mandate for husbands. The very first part of Ephesians 5:25 says,  Husbands, love your wives… Affection comes after you begin to know your wife. It takes work to know what turns them on.  Pay attention to what sets her heart on fire. Affection is the package that brings you closeness and marital bliss. Affection is not sex but it is a pathway. Affection is not romance but it is needed to be romantic. Affection is not communication, but without it, how can you be affectionate?
You have heard the term before, love is an action word. In the bible it is used in the context of action. Action meaning something you do. Ohhh yess, my favorite scripture, well one of my favorites say,  “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails“ (1 Corinthians 13:4-8 NIV).  When love is patient affections allows you to not sweat the small stuff your wife does. When love is kind affection allows you to help her unwind from a rough day by being part of the solution and not the problem.
So are they the same? No, they are  different but close cousins. Love is the cause of the action you take to secure your wife has the feeling of affection. Affection is born from thoughtfulness. I honestly think that is how I have been able to stay with my husband for 20 years, he is very thoughtful NOT perfect but thoughtful. He does the small things that make BIG differences.

The Good Stuff

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Whewww..  Let’s get to the good stuff.  Pull that chair a little closer, I’m about to give you the game for free!! We all love Free99!! As young girls, women read fairy tale stories about the knight in shining armor who they will ride off with into the sunset. You know that happily ever after. We watch chick flicks where guys know exactly what to say and when to say it. Then when we get married we realize that is all it is, just a fairy tale not our reality. After being together for a while your husband likes to sit at home all the time when you would rather hang out. He doesn’t hold your hand when in public, he doesn’t open doors, help with the kids, etc. Fairy tale dead!!! The woman in your life needs to hear those 3 words “I LOVE YOU” often. Not just when getting off the phone with each other or leaving the house for work. She needs to hear it when she is sitting on the couch next to you, while you are riding in the car together, or any other random time you choose. She not only needs to hear it but see it and feel it. Remember it’s an action word! A women would rather be alone and feel unloved than be with a man who she doesn’t feel loves her. How do you show that love? >>>>>>>Affection..
You wife says honey, I need you to rub my back. You rub your hands together and your testosterone starts pumping and you get ready for sex, when all she wanted was just some affection. A simple back rub. If that simple back rub leads to sex, cool! Do you know how powerful your nonsexual touch is to her? Your hands? Yes, the touch of your hands is very powerful. It can provide reassurance without words. Pulling her close and just hugging her is powerful. Affection comes easy in the beginning of the relationship and marriage. Why does it grow stale the longer you are together? I know why.. You stop trying! There is no reason to stop you MUST keep it going. The same things you did when you were trying to hook up can’t stop after the wedding day! After you purchase a new car do you stop the maintenance on it? No you get tune ups, change the breaks, and get car washes. Why not tune up your marriage or relationship the same way? Affection is a result of love. Think about it, when was the last time you gave her an unexpected kiss not expecting anything in return? When was the last time you said I will handle dinner and the kids, just rest? The more often you show affection lets her know how deep your commitment and satisfaction is in your relationship.
Remember women need to be loved emotionally to love physically.  Stay tuned for What Women Need Part II- Intimacy.
How was that ladies? What did I leave out? Tell me in comments…
As always holla at ya girl! Questions and comments are welcomed!
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