Men have you ever wondered why your sex life isn’t thriving? Why she seems to be turned off more than turned on for sex? Think she just isn’t feeling you? Why isn’t our sex life consistent? Do women really have that many headaches? Men and women are complete opposites when it comes to the area of intimacy. Women are more of a puzzle to men than men are to women. Women live in a world of menstrual cycles, birthing children, emotional outburst, and tears that we can’t even explain sometimes. Advice from one of my favorite artist Monica, don’t take it personal! Men are visual beings and women are emotional beings which causes some difficulty when it comes to intimacy. If you learn how to satisfy her need for intimacy you just may notice she will be more open to sex! Ohhh, I have your attention now don’t I fellas? Women are not turned on by sight alone, they want to be desired, feel loved, and taken care of emotionally and physically. When women are taken care of emotionally it’s easier for them to be more open to sex. If she is taken care of in both areas your sex life just may thrive. When intimacy on both levels are intertwined within your marriage it provides a deep bond you won’t BELIEVE!


Emotional Intimacy

Most couples lose their passion for each other because they are not connected emotionally.  Time passes, schedules get crazy, life happens, UBER-ing children here and there, and guess what there is no time to connect. You are overwhelmed and stressed with everyday life. Then you begin to just go through the motions of marriage and not even realize your connection has faded. You begin to think it’s normal for married couples. NOOOO!!! Let me tell ya friends, THAT WON’T WORK! I know because..welllll…let’s just say we were there a time or two! We were operating on auto pilot! In order to have a good relationship, you have to start with the mind! You MUST have that emotional connection FIRST. Remember women aren’t visual like men. You have to focus on meeting her needs and being in tune with her emotions. Don’t get defensive but show her empathy. Be willing to listen when she says how she is feeling. Our emotional connection was tested JUST THIS WEEK. I called my husband like I normally do after work. I said, “Hey how are you? How was your day?” He responded with, “I’m good, my day was cool.” Then he IMMEDIATELY said let me call you back I’m about to…. That was the entire conversation!!! I hung up and I felt some kind of way because he didn’t ask me how I felt or even how my day was. I hung up and was HOTTTT!! I thought about it for a minute how was I going to respond. So I called him right back and right away said, my day was great and I’m not feeling to well today thanks for asking ok bye! He could have gotten defensive but instead he said wait a minute (because he was about to get hung up on) I didn’t even realize I didn’t ask you how you were doing. I’m sorry! He earned some brownie points, heyyy. If we weren’t connected emotionally that could have easily been an FULL BLOWN argument! I wasn’t nice about it when I called him back either. This is how emotional intimacy works, you to share your feelings with your partner. They understand your feelings and empathize why you feel the way you do. If you don’t understand why she feels a certain way don’t get defensive. Ask questions to better understand.  Then once you understand demonstrate that you care. BOOM.. just that simple (insert mic drop)!


Physical Intimacy

In the early stages of marriage you are so excited that you don’t ever think the physical intimacy will die. Love is in the air! You can’t seem to get enough of each other.  Sorry newlyweds, this blissful state comes to an end and you are left wondering what happened? You are thinking we were just googly eyed and head over hills but now we are distant lovers. It’s hard to maintain physical intimacy over time. Most times the struggle comes from other unmet needs in the relationship. That’s a whole other topic for a different article! For the sake of this article let’s talk about physical intimacy. Physical intimacy is NOT sex but it can lead you to it!  Women like to be pursued. Not just jump in the bed and get it on. Try pulling her close and say bring your sexy self here girl. You know what she likes to hear, if not try a few subtle things and see what works. I like when he says….NAWWW can’t tell yall that, LOL!! Hold her hand when you are in public, this releases oxytocin aka love hormone, a calming sensation. Start with flirty text messages early in the day. Don’t talk about stressful things before you go to bed. Break up the routine, try new things. Instead of her cooking dinner you order in dinner. Take the lead and plan a special date night.  Give her a special hug when you see her after a long day. Maybe a longer kiss than usual. Women want to feel desired. Women love the chemistry and need physical intimacy before they get physical, yes I’m talking about sex.  Physical intimacy can involve anything from kissing to cuddling on the couch. Physical intimacy outside the bedroom makes for a deeper connection in the bedroom. It’s so important because it provides safety and comfort. Couples who are physically intimate experience higher rates of relationship satisfaction.
Having physical and emotional connections with her helps build trust which is what we will discuss next!


Stay tuned for next article…..What Women Need Part III-Trust/Honesty.

If you missed What Women Need Pt. I -Love/Affection, check it out here!


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