The million dollar question every woman thinks they know the answer to but do we really?? What do men want in relationships? Men know they don’t understand women but women just assume they know men. Why though? Women think they know men because growing up we read books about our knight in shining armor, we watch chick flicks, and we read love novels. These things fill our heads with fairy tales BUT they don’t really teach us want men want and need.
Love Minus Limits conducted a survey of both men and women, married, in relationships, and single. 60% of the surveys were completed by married men and women. 40% of the surveys were completed by non-married men and women. Out of the 40%, some are in relationships and some not in relationships. Although each man has unique needs, there are some that MOST men have in common.
The survey revealed that the TOP 4 things men NEED are:
Respect
Sex
Communication
Support
As promised, here is the collaboration with my husband, Tony. He will give us a man’s perspective of why these needs are important. Ladies, he is about to spill the tea…… You better be sitting down for this one because when I get him to open up like this.. I LISTEN!! Sometimes as women it is hard to understand what our men need and why if they don’t share it with us. We also think we know what our men need because we assume. You know what they say about people who assume. Yep, I went there!! The same is true in marriage, these three words can start so many arguments “I JUST ASSUMED.” Don’t assume, ASK! So that’s what I did. Tony’s contributions to the article are underlined and in italics.
Respect
Proverbs 14:1 says, A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.
So ladies, let’s not tear own homes down by not showing our spouses respect. Let’s jump right in.. Men want to be shown consideration and appreciation even though they may not do everything right. At least appreciate the things we are doing. We want to be seen as your hero and know that you believe in us. Men want to be respected not for what we do but for who we are. It’s hard for a man to survive in a relationship that he doesn’t feel respected in. OOOO THAT’S GOOD! Respect has to be given it can’t be earned because we aren’t perfect and will mess up often. If we have to earn it by being right or doing the right thing all the time, it won’t happen. If a woman knows how to show her man some respect he will open up to her and be open to change. Respect makes us feel safe to open up to you. When you allow us to be the “head” of the relationship we can receive your advice in pointing us in the right direction as our help mates. Giving your man respect is an ego booster for them ladies. The world is a cruel place and beats them up enough, when they come home it should be a place where they can silence the outside noise. Our daily criticism only builds anger and frustration in them. I know this is easier said than done. To be transparent, I struggled in this area until I learned how IMPORTANT is it to stroke Tony’s ego. Let me tell you I still have room for growth. However, this is what our men need! Progress not perfection. If you are still thinking, well I need respect to? You are right but women want respect for a different reason than men do AND this is about what men need. HA!!! Since we know that men need respect, what does that really looks like in relationships?
RESPECT OUR JUDGEMENT
Are you ready for this? Maybe? Just get to it man! We need women to respect our judgement. To put it simply that means don’t question or argue with our decisions all the time. Ouch!!! I had to look away. Our opinions need to be valued. Don’t make us feel like we are one of the kids. We need to know that you can take our word for something. You don’t have to question our decisions. Ultimately, if we make a decision and it turns out to not be the right one, let us handle it. Give us a chance to fix it. We have to answer to GOD as the head. Whoa.. I wasn’t ready for that. When you question our judgment it makes us feel as if you don’t trust us to make good decisions. I personally don’t like to be asked a lot of questions. So when you do ask a lot of questions it’s frustrating for us. I know we have to prove to you we can make those decisions at first but give us room to do just that. When I say I have to let go and trust him to make decisions it is HARD depending on what it is. I typically ask lots of questions or remind him to do it 100 times. Men do not like us to remind them because again it makes them feel like they are a child. Men, do it the first time we ask and you won’t have to be reminded..Whoaa Whoaa… Moving on next!! LOL!!!! Just kidding! I was just reading some of the ladies minds. (shrugs shoulders)
RESPECT OUR ABILITY
We need our women to understand that we need to figure things out ourselves sometimes. We don’t need you to jump in and try to takeover. It’s frustrating to us when you tell us what to do all the time. So what we may not have read the directions.So what if we do it wrong and have to redo something. Let us figure it out. I remember one time we were doing a project and you kept telling me how to measure, paint, and blah blah blah. You kept talking and I couldn’t get a word in. When you finished I told you I already had it figured out and you got upset and asked me why didn’t you tell me that? I was trying but you wouldn’t stop doubting my ability to plan that you jumped in. Another time I was talking to one of the kids about something and you immediately jump in and interrupts me. They made me feel like you were questioning my ability to parent our children. I really didn’t get the reason he was upset because I didn’t see it as a big issue however I LEARNED that day. I didn’t think this had anything to do with me having respect but again I LEARNED that day. So next time, your man is trying to figure something out, wait for him to ask or ask if he needs help before you jump in. Yep, I know you just rolled your eyes! I typed this and rolled my eyes myself like REALLY! Hey, it’s what they need though. DEEP SIGH!!
RESPECT IN FRONT OF OTHERS
This is probably one of the most IMPORTANT when it comes to respect. We NEED our women to not say things in front of other people that criticize us. I think women feel like this only has to be done if they think their man is worthy. Some of those shady comments yall say is not cool at all. This is one of the worst things you can possibly do in front of other people. I’m not saying we have to be fake and act like we have the perfect marriage. What I am saying is that don’t share too much personal information. We learned these things early on but when out with other couples I notice it a lot. I may not say much but I notice it. Think this one hit a nerve. He was really serious about this one. I remember early in our marriage this was something I SUCKED at. After getting cursed out a few times or having major arguments, I decided to work on it. Honestly, I thought that was my time to shame him into changing. WRONG! Especially, after he had done something to really make me mad I wanted the world to know about it. I had to learn to restrain myself because I wanted to honor my husband.
This is just PART I of the WHAT MEN NEED blog series this week….Be sure to come back for PART II…SEX. (Singing Salt-n-Pepa Let’s Talk About Sex Baby.)
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Fellas, anything to add?? Ladies, what you think? Agree or disagree?
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