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communication,  couples

The Bedroom Matters- Keep it SPICY

When it comes to sex, most couples are faced with the issue of lack or none at all. Sometimes the reasons are obviously logical but sometimes not so much. The logical reasons are scheduling conflicts, child birth or financial stress. Remember the sex is better when the bills are paid!! When the reasons aren’t so logical is when the frustration sets in even more. You are wondering what is wrong with her/him? First and foremost make sure there isn’t a physical issue such as erectile dysfunction or a vaginal issue. You may need to consult a doctor if there is a physical issue. If there is no physical issue preventing you from having sex then bringing the romance and spice to your bedroom is no option it is a MUST. I say this is a must because this was a constant battle in my marriage and we are still building our sexual toolbox. HAHAHAHA!! 

Here are a five things WE (including US) can do to spice it up:

Try New Things

Remember last week’s article was about being vulnerable? So here is where you can take a stab at being vulnerable. Express your feelings about some of your desires that maybe you think your spouse may laugh at you for saying. It’s ok, they won’t laugh! If they do, shame on them!! LOL!! Seriously, try a different position or have sex in a different place of your home. Unfortunately, a different place in your home may not work for most of us with children. Maybe when the kids are away you can try a different location. My husband and I dream of the days…never mind!!   Maybe visit the ADULT store together and get some items. Get you some lingerie ladies, order it online if you don’t want to buy it at the store.  My friend and I were just talking about how we felt the first time we visited an adult store. Let’s just say we both were hiding our faces going in and out. Why though?? We both were married at the time!!!

Build the Anticipation

Earlier this week I posted dirty flirty text message ideas on FB. A friend of ours commented that, “women are like crockpots. You have to let them simmer all day to enjoy the product.” That is great advice for the fellas. Ladies our husbands like to be flirted with as well. Figure out what their love language is and what turns them on. Sex goes both ways. Pursue each other throughout the day. Usually your sex drives differ so one person pursues the other all the time. In my marriage, one of us has a high sex drive and one of us doesn’t. I won’t say which is which. I’m sure you can figure it out wink..wink.  Have the same anticipation about having sex with your partner that you do when you are counting down to go on vacation or do something fun or exciting. Countdown to the bedroom! Make the anticipation fun.

The Way You View SEX

If you don’t have a high sex drive you may view sex as a chore. Sex is wayyy more than that. Sex is about connecting with your spouse on a deeper level. It’s connecting with their soul. Having sex with your spouse should leave you feeling loved, adored, appreciated, and fulfilled. It should fill you with pleasure because sex releases the endorphins, the “feel good” stuff for your brain. View sex as a time to come together physically to express what you feel inwardly for each other. Clear your mind from the mundane things of the day. Don’t do to much right before going to bed all the time, sometimes things are out of your control. Just think that you are adding time to your life to when you have sex. LOL I honestly, read a study about people live longer when they are sexually active in their marriage. Seriously though, sex should be viewed as a necessity just like paying the bills. When you buy a car the car payment is due, when you get married sex is due!

Make Time

These days seems like life is so busy for everyone. If your schedules are busy you may have to schedule some time to connect with each other which sounds un-romantic (if that’s even a word).  However, when you are scheduling that time you can really build the anticipation. For instance if you work different shifts during the week and only have the weekend together. Use the weekend to your advantage. If your spouse travels frequently when you get to connect use the time to get connected.  Get some rose petals, buy some lingerie and light some candles. You may not do this every weekend but often because you don’t spend every night together. If you are too busy to have sex with your spouse you are TOO busy. Get rid of distractions, this isn’t the time to scroll social media or catch up on your fav Netflix show. It’s time to connect sexually!!! Tell yourself in Kevin Hart’s voice IT’S ABOUT TO GO DOWN!!

Remember WHEN

I married my husband at age 18. We had our own apartment. We didn’t have any children. We worked different shifts. We often revisit this time in our life and how SPONTANEOUS and FUN it was. We have definitely had some roller coasters since then. We revisit this time to remember how we were and how we connected and how it felt. Grant it, we are as young now and can’t do those same things now, although one of us thinks we still can. We just can’t, we have different demands now BUT don’t get it twisted we KNOW how to use those times as fuel to bring the fire back. Remember your first intimate experience as a teenager or for some you were an adult. I know y’all didn’t do that stuff as teenagers, yeah right WHATEVER! Channel your inner teenager Be SPONTANEOUS and ENJOY EACH OTHER! Even the bible tells us married folk that the bed is undefiled.

Don’t believe me take it straight from the bible:

The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.    I Corinthians 7:3-5

BOTTOM LINE:  Come together and spice things up in the bedroom.

You may also want to read –What Men Need- Pt II -SEX

As always Holla at cha GIRL!!   Let’s get social.  Follow us on Instagram or FB.

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