Do you have MAGIC in your marriage? You are probably thinking I don’t even believe in MAGIC. When you walk down that aisle or see your bride coming down the aisle you aren’t thinking about how to keep that magical feeling each and every day. You are not thinking about what it takes to create this feeling over and over each and every day. If you begin to apply MAGIC to your marriage daily you can have that magical wedding day feeling in your marriage. I keep saying MAGIC but let me really break it down for you. M= Make a Choice, A= Affection, G= Goals, I= Integrity, C=Celebrate. When you apply these concepts to your daily life you will see that you can have a magical marriage.
Happiness in your marriage isn’t a fairy tale that just happens. It is a moment by moment day by day choice you have to make. If you are married you already know that marriage is hard and if you aren’t married yet you have heard it before. You have to MAKE A CHOICE daily in your marriage. You have to be committed every day. Getting married at 18 years old was a choice I made but at the moment didn’t really understand that marriage was for grown folks. It takes maturity, dedication, unconditional love, tenacity, and determination to withstand. As I reflect on that choice I made 20 years ago this past June I realized that you have to make choices every day in marriage. Even when your spouse is being unlovable, selfish, mean, irritable, sick, sad, and the list could go on and on. This is when you have to make the choice to love them in spite of how YOU feel. You have to show love and pick your battles wisely. Choose to do something to make them feel better, choose to make them laugh instead of adding to the stress, choose to offer your help, choose to be that teammate they need, and choose to show LOVE. This is exactly when they need you the most.
Perfect segway into the A in MAGIC. Affection is something we all long for because God has made us with a need to give and receive love. It is a vital part of bonding with your spouse. Maybe this isn’t natural for some people due to the way they were raised. Affection doesn’t have to hard or complicated. First you need to learn the language of affection your spouse speaks. Figure out if your spouse like to be touched, like emotional affection or even intellectual affection. It is a simple thing that can make huge ripples in your relationship. A text message to say I’m thinking about you is affection. Greeting your spouse at the door when they arrive home. Leaving little love notes for your spouse. These are all simple and don’t cost a dime. For those of us who are beyond simple affection you may be thinking I can skip this section. WRONG!!! Can you participate in your spouse’s hobby without complaining? Can you sit by him on the couch while he is watching sports or ESPN without complaining? Can you shop with her even after going to the same 3 stores over and over in the mall without complaining? Can you do something your spouse wants to do even though you hate it? Do you initiate sex often or ever? Yes, these can be a bit challenging but they are all apart of affection. Don’t expect dramatic changes but work together to build affection in your marriage.
Have you ever heard the statement a GOAL without is plan is just a wish? Well the same is true for your marriage. Don’t WISH for it WORK for it. If your goal is to have a long healthy happy marriage then you need to plan for it to happen. Why do you need goals in your marriage? My personal opinion is you need goals to help fulfill your vows to each other. If you want to go on vacation you don’t just pack up and go do you? No, you make a plan of where you are going to stay, how you will get there, how much money do we need, etc. According to Proverbs 29:18, where there is no vision, the people perish. Same is true for your marriage. Each year my husband and I set goals for our marriage and in other areas of our lives as well. Marriage goals must be about the two of you and you must agree upon the plan. For example, one year it seemed as if our disagreements were turning into huge arguments that turned into days of not speaking. We realized that we were losing valuable time together (after many arguments, of course) so we decided to learn how to fight as a team. If one of us lost we both lost. We added learning to fight fair as a goal and we both had to be committed to that goal. Another goal we made was to enjoy life together INTENTIONALLY. We decided to get out of routine and be spontaneous. We were so caught up in our children and their activities that we neglected US. What area of your marriage needs to be improved? How do you plan to improve it? What area of your marriage are you looking to grow in? Set goals and make it happen. If you don’t look ahead towards your future together you will never move forward in that area.
Now this is where we dig a little deeper. The “I” in MAGIC stands for Integrity. Integrity is the result of being honest and doing what you say you will do. A person of integrity holds a certain set of morals no matter what. A person with integrity is trustworthy. It is not about what can be seen with the eye but it’s more about who you are deep down inside. Being married your level of integrity means telling your spouse everything and doing what you say you are going to do. It means being fully open and honest. Yes, ladies that means we have to bring the shopping bags in when our husbands our home. Yes, fellas that means if you say you are going to fix something or call someone to fix it then yes please do it. Your spouse has to be able to trust you with everything. Integrity is needed in every area of your marriage. Can you be trusted to handle the finances? Can you be trusted to hang out with your girls/boys and do the right thing? Can you be trusted to not talk bad about your spouse to your friends? Hold yourself accountable to live Godly values in your marriage. The golden rule applies to your marriage, do unto your spouse and you would have them do unto you (marriage version). Integrity protects the health of your marriage. It is ultimately the glue that holds you together.
This is my favorite letter in the MAGIC acronym for marriage, C means to CELEBRATE. I don’t mean just on your anniversary either. Life is a precious gift and all too often we take the simple things for granted. We must learn to celebrate LOVE. Make it your business to plan special date nights and getaways to appreciate and love on each other. Celebrate your love publicly too, brag on your spouse let him/her know you appreciate them in front of others. You don’t have to wait for a special occasion to celebrate love it can be done anytime. Our children think we are so corny or lame (or whatever they call it these days) but sometimes we turn on music over the surround sound in our home and dance together. Our new thing lately has been finding happy hours to celebrate love and enjoy each other while our kids are at practices, etc. It’s ok to have a candle light dinner at home in the middle of the week no special occasion but just to celebrate love and keep the sparks going in your marriage. Celebrating love in your marriage should be done often. If you have children they need to see you celebrating love because it models a healthy marriage for them. It also provides them with security knowing their parents are getting along. Celebrating your love for one another not only creates memories but makes your relationships stronger. Make a choice to CELEBRATE love often!