2023 is a BIG year for us! We will celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary in June!! People ask us all the time, how did we stay married for 25 years after getting married so young (18 & 20)?
Keeping it 100, it hasn’t been easy AT ALL. Being honest, we lost our way SEVERAL times. The amount of energy and effort it takes to sustain a marriage for a long time can get mundane and wear you down mentally, emotionally, and sometimes physically when you aren’t in sync with each other.
When you’re not aligned with each other you will consistently have conflict, challenges, and extreme differences. A great marriage is only as good as the work you put into it. How will you know what work to do? Where to focus your energy together? What is it that you want to experience, achieve, learn, or value? What are you striving for together!
It’s simple, you need some relationship goals! Goals allow you to get on the same page and have shared values in order to see success in your relationship.
Relationships with no goals has no parameters and can cause damage to your relationship!
Pastor Michael Todd says that relationship goals “gives us purpose, and something to aim and strive for.” Society and social media has us thinking #relationshipgoals are fancy pics and lavish vacations. Let me just say, issa lie! Don’t get me wrong those things are nice but they won’t help sustain a HEALTHY SUCCESSFUL and THRIVING marriage! We get one part of this which is relationship but we forget that we need goals!
Here are 10 goals we continue to use to have a THRIVING and FUN marriage:
Have a date night routine
Date nights are insurance for your marriage! Date nights should be fun! They provide you time to connect with each other. Dating is what got you together right, so why stop once you’re together? Try something new every date night.
Enrich your marriage with new perspectives
Read a marriage book, listen to a podcast, attend a retreat, go to a workshop, go to therapy or relationship coaching. Seeking out these things are great to gain new perspectives and not needed when something is going wrong. Be proactive!
Build or strengthen your spiritual foundation together
We know that keeping GOD as the center of our relationship is important. Being on a spiritual journey together allows you to build a deeper connection and bond. Praying for your spouse will bring you closer together, don’t believe us try it!
Commit to a healthy balance
You need to spend time apart too. Your girls/guys time is important, spending time individually with the children is important too, and don’t forget your alone time! Being a healthy individual helps make your relationship better. You can’t pour from an empty cup friends!
Learn something new together this year
Pick a topic, start a hobby, visit wineries/breweries, financial literacy/investing, yoga, wellness, special diet, etc. You both commit to learning more about it together.
Schedule check ins with each other
You decide if you will do this weekly or monthly. A weekly check-in is ideal because a lot can pile up in a month but you decide what works best. A check-in consist of asking certain questions about the relationship, the household, personal goals, the job, the kids, the finances, etc.
Increase healthy communication skills
Seek ways to express yourself without yelling, blaming or criticizing your partner. Understand that how you “start” the conversation is critical to how your partner will engage. Learn how to fix the issues before they get out of control.
Make emotional bank account deposits
This is what makes the difference between happy and unhappy couples. Be mindful and pay attention to your partner needs in order to make them feel heard and valued. Express your appreciation daily. Talk about what’s stressing you to your spouse, not the relationship but outside stressors. Kissing, hugging, holding hands, and cuddling are deposits too!
Make physical connections a priority
Sex is an essential part of your relationship. The feel-good hormones create feelings of relaxation and builds intimacy. Keep things exciting by spicing it up and working to please each other. Sex isn’t the only part of physical connection, don’t forget to hold hands, shoulder and back rubs, pat on the butt, hugs, etc. matter too.
Know each other’s LOVE language
How does your spouse like to receive love? Once you know this you will be able to understand their needs and each other better. If you haven’t already, identify what your love language is and find out what your partner’s love language is too. The five are categorized as physical touch, quality time, acts of service, gifts, and words of affirmation. Once you know this, do something that speak their language at least two times a week.
Setting goals and achieving them is a long process and it can’t be completed in just one day. Research as shown that you are 42% more likely to achieve your goals if you write them down. Writing your goals, intention, and priorities down helps to increase your clarity and focus. Just remember that 80% of the results in your marriage come from 20% of your actions.
Once you’ve decided on what goals you want to make, this Instagram post maybe able to help you too.
Choose a space and time to discuss relationship goals.
Choose a time that will work for the both of you. Make sure you can be feel comfortable and safe. Make sure you have privacy so you can open and honest about your goals.
Use the SMART method to define clear goals
Make sure your goals are s-specific, m-measurable, a-achievable, r-realistic, t-timely. Create goals based on these objectives that will help you be clear, concise, and eliminate vague ideas. We’ve created a relationship goals worksheet where we outline how to create SMART goals. If you want the free relationship goals worksheet go here!
Be sure you are checking in on your goals, weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly to make sure you’re achieving what you set out to achieve. You can put it on the calendar or informally check in but make sure you’re checking in often.
Before you commit to these goals review them
Make sure you’re both feeling these goals and that you’re not just agreeing to something that doesn’t feel right to you. Creating these goals should feel good not restricting. Make sure you both understand the benefits of the goals you’re working towards. If it doesn’t feel right or the vibe is off, cross it off the list. It has to feel good for both of you!
Ready, set, go!
Don’t forget to get your free relationship goals planning worksheets by clicking here!
Comment below, which goals will you set this year?
Chermaine Marshall
Nate' Tinsley