Love is patient, but how much patience does it really require? When it comes to romantic relationships, we often think of love as a magical force that can make all our problems disappear. But the reality is that relationships require effort and patience in order for them to thrive.
In this blog post, we’ll explore what it takes to be patient in a relationship and how having the right amount of patience can lead to a healthier and happier connection with the one you love.
Let’s first talk about patience and why we often struggle with being patient. We must first understand that Love is Patient, the bible tells us that in the very first part of the scripture found in I Corinthians 13:4. So in order for us to have love we must be have patience. What is it so hard for us to be patient with each other?
Patience is the acceptance of things we can’t control. Patience is also the ability to survive when you or your spouse is in the season of NOT YET! You never know how willing your spouse will be to make changes or transformations when you’re able to love them in their season of not yet. They are not yet sticking to the budget, they may not yet be helping you out with the children, they may not yet be putting the toilet seat down, they are not yet expressing their emotions to you. The key word here is YET! We just have to remember that they can change, patience my friend!
Sometimes the rewards are worth the wait. Technology has made patience hard for us. We want the fastest Wi-Fi, the fastest shipping, we can skip the song if we don’t like
it, we can fast forward to the part we want to see so I get it patience is HARD. The problem is we are forgetting that we have to TRUST that things will happen in God’s timing.
I can hear you now, what if I’m tired of being patient? What if my patience are very thin? What if I don’t have anymore patience inside of me for this marriage?
Here are FOUR things you can do:
1. Accept that things aren’t always going to go the way you planned or think it will go.
You got married not knowing what the future holds. You didn’t know that the person you’re dating today will grow and evolve. You didn’t think that they would say or do certain things, we’re human and change is inevitable. Just like every morning we can’t predict the traffic and now we’re going to be late for work. You can’t predict that car accident that happened. We can’t control anything in this situation, all you can do is take a deep breath and control what is within our control. The things you can control are your perspective, what you tell yourself, how you respond to the person or situation, and yourself. Love isn’t easy and it’s not always going to go as you think it should go! Learn to accept the things you can’t change.
2. Learn to Give Grace
The one thing about extending grace is you view your spouse as HUMAN and you give them room to fail and make mistakes. Grace is simply “undeserved kindness” “loving the unlovable.” Relationships thrive when grace is active! We shy away from grace because we think it means we’re saying that the other person is right or we’re letting them off the hook. It’s honestly loving them unconditionally and giving them the benefit of the doubt. It’s continuing to love and be kind to them EVEN though you know they have wronged you or made a mistake. (sounds familiar – the same way God extends us grace) Always remember you want to be shown grace right? So show that same grace you want to your spouse. Humble yourself and remember you are not better than your spouse because you still have work to do on you!
3. Gain Your Composure
We are so quick to react but maybe what you need is to rest. Give yourself sometime to think, gather yourself, and pray. The response you give when you react may not be the best or appropriate response that will only add fuel to the fire. You will end up blaming, shaming, or condemning your spouse. Assess your thoughts and motives before responding. When you take a sacred pause, you’re allowing yourself to make a better decision because you’ve given yourself time to engage in a thorough thought process and eliminate irrational thoughts.
4. Reframe Your Thinking
What are you focusing on? What are you putting in the frame of your thoughts? Attempt to understand and listen to your spouse. The greatest duty of love is to listen. By listening to your spouse you’re able to understand and invite better communication. Better communication allows you to think without invoking emotions, empathize, and better understand how they feel. Which in turn helps you to reframe how you’re seeing the situation. What you focus on is what you will see. It’s like a magnifying glass, what you focus on becomes BIGGER. Choose to focus on understanding rather than accusing.
Remember love is patient. To show love is to have patience. Don’t be so quick to throw in the towel but instead take a look in the mirror and check yourself to see how you can become more patient!
If you’ve done all FOUR of these things we discussed above and you feel nothing is working then maybe it’s time to use a resource (visit our digital store), seek professional help from a therapist or relationship coach. You can also join our FREE private Facebook community Maximize Your Relationship Connection Community where we share daily tips, host events, and provide resources to increase your marriage connection!
Chermaine Marshall